天天向上 · 写作：四个维度的修改工坊
PET / B1 · 写作综合训练 · 本站原创学习材料
写作综合训练：参照 Content、Communicative Achievement、Organisation、Language 四个评价维度。练习分数不代表官方写作分。
学习范围：Cambridge B1 Preliminary for Schools。本站材料不等同于官方试卷。
学习方法
第一轮：读者得到了什么：对照题目逐项检查信息完整性和相关性。先补遗漏、删无关内容，再润色句子。
第二轮：顺序和语气是否合适：把相关内容放在同一段，检查连接词和代词。给朋友的回复应该自然友好。
第三轮：语言是否准确清楚：逐句检查动词、单复数、词形和拼写；适当尝试连接句子，不必换成长难词。
A draft that needs work
Hello Sam, Yes. Park is good. There is many birds. We can takes photo. I like computer games and my brother likes pizza. Bring something. Meet there. Yesterday I go to the shop. Please accept my most formal thanks for your proposal. Bye, Lee
练习
先诊断示例草稿的问题，再改写成一封约 100 词的邮件。不要只找语法错误：遗漏任务要点和读者不明白同样需要修改。
1. Sam asked what food to bring. Which change best completes that point?
A. Bring something nice.
B. Could you bring some sandwiches and apples?
C. Food is important for everybody.
2. Which sentence is least relevant to arranging this park visit?
A. We can take photos of the birds.
B. Let us meet at the main gate.
C. My brother likes pizza.
3. Which is the best friendly opening for a reply to Sam?
A. I would love to visit the park with you!
B. Please accept my most formal thanks for your proposal.
C. This report considers your suggestion in detail.
4. Choose the clearest correction of “There is many birds. We can takes photo.”
A. There are many birds, so we can take some photos.
B. There is many birds, so we can takes photos.
C. There are much birds, because we can take photo.
5. Which arrangement gives Sam the clearest useful information?
A. Meet there when it is time.
B. You already know the place.
C. Let us meet at the main gate of Riverside Park at ten.
6. What is the best order for checking this draft?
A. Count exactly 100 words, then stop.
B. Check the task and reader, improve organisation, then check language.
C. Replace every short word with a longer word.
写作任务
Rewrite the draft as a clear, friendly email of about 100 words.
Sam wants to visit your town on Sunday. Reply to Sam: agree to a park visit, explain why Riverside Park is a good choice, suggest food to bring, and give a clear meeting arrangement.
- 答应周日一起去公园。
- 解释选择 Riverside Park 的理由。
- 建议具体食物。
- 说明清楚的见面安排。
构思与自查
需要补全的信息：________________________________________________
需要删除的内容：________________________________________________
顺序与语气：________________________________________________
语言修正：________________________________________________
□ Content · 内容：已补全四个要点，并删除无关细节。
□ Communicative Achievement · 交际效果：邮件友好自然，收信人得到需要的信息。
□ Organisation · 组织：安排和理由清楚，指代明确，分段适当。
□ Language · 语言：修正主谓一致、情态动词后原形、名词复数和标点。
正文请写在另纸，或在网页工作台完成并下载保存。
参考答案与证据
1. B
具体食物建议直接回答读者的问题；另外两句没有提供可执行信息。
Bring something.
2. C
哥哥喜欢披萨与这次约见没有明确联系；活动和见面安排则与任务有关。
I like computer games and my brother likes pizza.
3. A
写给朋友时自然友好的回应更合适；过于公文化的语气与读者关系不符。
Hello Sam … Please accept my most formal thanks
4. A
birds 为复数用 are；can 后用 take；some photos 表达自然。so 说明可拍照的结果。
There is many birds. We can takes photo.
5. C
给出明确地点和时间，比不明所指的 there 更便于行动。
Meet there.
6. B
四个维度共同决定沟通质量；词数或长词数量不能代替内容、组织与语言检查。
Bring something. Meet there.
参考写法
Hi Sam, I would love to visit the park with you on Sunday! Riverside Park would be a good choice because it has a lake with lots of birds. We could take some photos and walk along the river if the weather is fine. Could you bring some sandwiches and apples for lunch? I will bring water and a blanket, so we can have a picnic. Let us meet at the main gate at ten. It is opposite the bus stop, which should make it easy to find. I am looking forward to seeing you. Tell me if you need directions. See you soon, Lee
内容补全：将模糊的 Bring something 改成能执行的建议。
交际效果：友好地答应邀请，语气适合朋友。
组织：把相互关联的物品和用途放在一起，用 so 建立关系。
语言：修正 can takes photo，并用 could 自然提出建议。